My relationship.......The Fifties Sitcom?

 

 



A look at Submission and Leadership

　

"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband." Ephesians 5:22-32

Ya know.... This has got to be one of the most difficult pieces of scripture for men and women of today to apply to thier lives. The whole idea of Headship and submission is almost taboo in todays culture. This is one of those sections that is blown off because "its out of date and doesnt apply to today." When you say "head of house" you think of some fat guy in a wife beater that doesnt allow his wife out of the house, and when you say "submission" you think of a stupid, mindless woman who isnt allowed to speak and is only good for baby making. This is not a Biblical representation of Leadership and submission!

The man is head of the family as a representation of Christ's headship over the Church, he is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. If you remember correctly Christ died on the cross for the church, so thats not a little love, thats a BIG love! The Husband is not to be mean spirited and lay down laws just because he can, he is to lovingly and prayerfully consider what is best for his wife and family and act accordingly.

Just as the man is a representation of Christ, the wife is the representation of the church. The church is to faithfully submit to the Lords will, trusting that the Lord will make the best decisions for His people. The church steps out in faith, trusting the Lord. The wife is to trust that her husband wont be making decsions out of his flesh, but out of his relationship with the Lord. Really, the wifes faith in her husband is a reflection of her faith in God. If the wife trusts that the Lord will take care of her, especially if she is following the Word by submitting to her husband, then she will submit, knowing that even if her husband screws up, they Lord will be faithful to take care of her.

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A few months ago I got a call from a friend who was having issues in his marriage. His wife had recently discovered the "party scene" and in a short amount of time had not only had a severe personality change, but she had also had a few small accidents driving home drunk. He was at a loss for what to do. He didnt want for her to think he was trying to be controling or domineering, but he also didnt want her to die in a car accident, or kill someone else! He was searching for answers, so he called me:

Barry: I just dont know what to do.

Me : You know, Barry, the Word calls you, as the husband, to be head of the household. YOU are responsible for your wife and her actions, not only here, but on the Day of judgment before the Lord. You need to step up into your leadership and lay down some law!

Barry: I dont like that, Im not her dad, I dont want to be a controlling jerk.

Me: Is telling your wife that you dont want her out drinking anymore, because you are worried about her life, a mean and domineering thing?

Barry: ..........Well, no. But......

Me: Do you love her?

Barry: Well, yeah!

Me: Is she making good decisions right now about partying?

Barry: Well, no, but I cant just say "Youre not allowed to go out because I said so!"

Me: Ha! No, no thats not what to say. This is the differance between loving leadership and dinkish dictatorship! Do you think that God is being a controling jerk when he tells us in the Bible to stay away from something? Or does does Jesus lovingly say, "You have to make the decision, but I am telling you to stay away from it because it will harm you."? When you talk to your wife it needs to be an explanation of your love, she needs to see that you are laying down lines because you love her and you are worried for her safety. THAT is what it means to be a Biblical, Christ like, leader of your family.

You see, Barry had fallen into this idea our society has, that he couldnt say anything to his wife because it was domineering. I submit to you husbands, that if you are seeking the Lords will and making decisons for your family based on a sincere love for them and the Lord, then your wife will have no problem submitting.

There is this crazy idea in todays world that men and women are the same, which is not the case! Equal, yes. The same, NO WAY! The Bible tells us in 1Peter 3:7, "In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered."

The Lord made us differantly! He made the men to be strong, protective leaders and He made women to be soft, emotionally intune care takers. You notice men, that you are told to be understanding of the fact that your wife is weaker then you, and with that in mind, treat her as an equal. It takes both of these sets to make a family run. You need a man to be all buisness, bring home the bacon and take care of the car and house. While you need the woman to use that God given gift of kindness and compassion to raise the children and take care of her tired and worn out hubby at the end of the day. Two puzzle pieces, completly differant in shape, but made to complete one another.

While the Lord gave men the need to provide, he also gave women a need to be provided for! There is a reason that little girls naturally go towards babydolls and cinderella stories. The Lord instilled within us a great need and desire to be loved, provided for and treated like a precious gem! The issue has become our society; women have been treated like crap by men who have abused thier roll as head of household, have been neglected by men who refuse to grow up, and sexually abused by a media that insists that woman are only as good as thier dress size and how good they are in bed.

At some point, women stopped relying on men because they couldnt anymore. They had been so abused that they had to stand on thier own two feet, alone. While it is good that women have a strength within them to pick up not one, but two rolls in the family, it is sad that not only has this become the norm, but it has hindered women who are blessed enough to have good husbands, from submitting. Women feel that they are some how being weak or betraying thier sex by letting a man take care of them.

This causes so many issues in a marriage. The man has a NEED to be a provider, and when a wife refuses to be provided for because she doesnt want to be percived as weak or vunerable, she is demasculating her husband, stripping him of his God given purpous, which leads him to resent his wife. Likewise, while the wife insists that she wants to be the bread winner, but deep down she is angry that her husband has not been the strong leader and has not been fufilling her natural desire to be taken care of. So now you have a Marriage where both spouses resent one another but niether will address it, because he doesnt want to strip her of what she "wants" and she doesnt want to admit to what is percieved in our culture as a weekness. And round and round they go where they stop..... I know, and its not happily ever after.

So women, I beg you, look at your marriage. Are you submitting to your husband? Are you allowing him to fufill his God given need to be leader and provider? Pray about it! Ask the Lord to show you areas where you are not in submission. When you know where those areas are, go to your hubby and apologize, tell him that you NEED him to lead, that you WANT him to lead. Let go of these silly ideas that we hold that we are weak because we let our husband take care of us. The Lord instilled in you a desire to be taken care of, let your husband fufill that for you! Are there areas that you wish he would step up and be a leader but he hasnt? Ask him too! I promise you, given the honest opprotunity, he wont dissapoint!

Men, are you taking your role seriously? Are you taking your family to church? When you "lay down the law" is it done lovingly? Are you monitarily providing? Are you spiritually feeding you family? Are you letting the Lord lead you? Prayerfully consider all of these things asking the Lord to show you where your leadership is lacking and asking Him to lead you in all of your leadership decisions.

　

He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the LORD.

Proverbs 18:22